New York, NY

I knew I was a boy at 11 when I went out trick-or-treating dressed up in my friend Steven's bar mitzvah suit (not quite hobo attire, my mother mused). I think my mother approved because she used to joke 'I always wanted a little girl I could dress up like a doll, and instead, I got you!' This was said with great love that made me feel very proud of my uniqueness. I ran into no problems as a rather punk-ish, club-kid 'goth' in the eighties, although I and another trans friend were once asked to leave The Duchess, a lesbian bar. In fact, in college radical lesbians were my only bête noire, trying to brainwash me that I wasn't a transguy but a very butch lesbian!

Since I was a copywriter, I found no overt discrimination because you're only as good as your last brainstorm. Later on, I owned my own business in the equine field, where breeches and boots are the de rigueur dress and a lot of folk are rather 'bent', anyway. However, since my bankruptcy in 2002 and being back in the mainstream economically, I suspect I am not hired because I don't really present as a man (I've never been on masculinizing hormones, and I am now over forty so it's a little late to start), nor do I present as a woman, (short Yale-y hair, brooks brothers suits, ties), although I had a great stint as a doorman! One of my friends suggested, half in jest, that I should dress up in feminine clothes when I go to apply for a job. Maybe I’ll try that if I get really desperate!

My life experiences have been blessed compared to other stories I have heard, probably because I'm sensible enough not to expose myself to individuals or organizations who might object to my very existence. In other words, the synagogue I chose is a gay synagogue, I have backed out of organizations that were binary, or not transgender-oriented, and I do not speak to anyone in my family.

It is not my responsibility to make myself understood or even liked, and I suppose my upbringing by my very strong and rather theatrical mother left me with the trick of always thumbing my nose at adversaries and even enjoying being an outsider to folks and institutions I have no spiritual affinity with. My attitude is one that emphasizes prevailing, not mere survival, and my motto is 'joke 'em if they can't take a (bleep.)’ I have never wanted tolerance from the intolerable, merely admiration from the admirable.